envy: something new?
by lannistersdebt
Summary: Hermione's been envious before, but never this badly.


Hermione liked to think of herself as someone above jealousy. She was logical, after all, and therefore she could work out an explanation for everything. There was no real need to be jealous of a student who earned a higher mark, for example. She clearly had not studied enough and would need to work better next time. Furthermore, she had always believed that jealousy and envy were characteristics that were bred in people who were too meek to go for the objects - or relationships - they wanted.

She'd changed her mind, now.

The tears on her cheeks were proof enough for her that it was real, although the fist around her heart that made it hard to breathe should have worked. She'd felt that once before, when she was a sixth year and had been forced to watch Ron constantly snog Lavender. That had been pushed to the back of her mind, though. Ron had destroyed her feelings for him quite permanently the same year he told Harry he was tired of being an auror.

It was worse this time anyway.

When she'd sat down for her interview with Minerva, Hermione had listened to the headmistress raptly on every topic they covered. Could she handle the likelihood of not dating anyone - or at least not dating consistently? Yes. Many people didn't want to listen to a teacher in the first place, much less date them beyond the first dinner. Could she discipline students breaking rules, considering her own history as a student? Without a doubt. Could she handle working on a staff with professors who had taught her, including one Severus Snape? Certainly.

That had all been fine at the time. After two years, she was struggling to put on a happy face when she heard from Harry. Most of his letters or visits included plenty of information about how his and Ginny's relationship was going, and every month she heard from Bill and Fleur. Ron was dating a new girl who worked at the Three Broomsticks. Everyone around her seemed to be with someone...including Severus. And his relationships were the root of the problem.

The first woman he dated, Hermione could hardly remember. She had rarely come to the castle with Severus, and Hermione rarely left, so their paths never crossed. The second woman had come around with the start of second term - a Christmas gift gone wrong, Hermione liked to joke. Inwardly she moped. Her name was Iris, and she had been gone by the end of that term. Then there was Reyna - she had stuck with Severus for the entire second year of Hermione's teaching career.

Summer had passed swiftly, and the young witch tried to convince herself that she was better off alone. She didn't need to date - and she certainly didn't need to date anyone else on the staff. At the beginning of term, that had still been her belief. Now, nearly at September's end, Hermione was tired of burying her nose in books and the latest peer journals in vain attempts to pretend she wasn't green with envy.

Every time Reyna showed up in the staff room, Hermione's stomach curled. When Reyna took Severus's hand in hers, Hermione felt tears begin to prick at the corners of her eyes. And when the couple kissed or exchanged a look? Hermione felt that invisible fist slip around her heart and squeeze tightly.

Tonight, when Hermione had heard the soft voices of the couple as they walked past the library, she gave up on pretending she didn't care. She'd slammed her book shut, slid it back on the shelf, and bumped into Severus's shoulder as she rushed by them. Once upon a time, she might have done it on purpose.

When she reached the top of the astronomy tower, she was glad to see lightning. The quiet of a storm would let her hide her sobs from herself, if only she could make it that long before she erupted. The more she thought about what advances she could have made after the first girlfriend, the more frustrated with herself she became.

"How could I be so stupid?" She slid to the ground, her back against the cool stone of the wall, and let the racking sobs come. Alone, she decided, she could let herself fall apart. Overhead, thunder rumbled.

* * *

Her head ached when she woke up, and her eyes were sore. She groaned as she reached up to rub them, wondering why she had let herself fall asleep. It was chilly with the storm over, and rain had blown onto her. She shivered.

"Here, take my cloak." The soft voice made her stiffen. She hadn't realized she had company - much less company from the very man she'd been crying over. He settled it over her before kneeling next to her. "You'll catch a cold."

"Thank you, Severus." She forced her muscles to relax and leaned back again, pulling the cloak tighter. It was hard not to nestle her nose in it, but she could smell sandalwood anyway. Her heart ached. "Find any students breaking their curfew?"

"No students. I did notice a missing professor, however…" He frowned. "Did something happen earlier, Miss Granger, when you left the library in such a hurry?"

"No. Not really." She wanted to tell him the truth, but the words wouldn't come.

"Strange place to come, then, for a nap." In the dark, she couldn't make out the look in his eyes, but she was sure if she met them he'd know what she was thinking. He would know the truth. And damn her Gryffindor courage - she wasn't brave enough for that.

If envy didn't do her in, perhaps her cowardice would.

* * *

 _ **a/n;**_

This was written for Round 6 of the Quidditch League Fanfiction Competition.  
I write as Beater 1 for the Montrose Magpies.  
The round theme were the deadly sins or their counterparts. I went with the envy option for Beater 1.  
My prompts were;  
5\. (word): curfew  
8\. (word): lightning

Thank you FireFly!


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